Saturday, September 20, 2014

10 Things I think about on the Paris Metro

Here's 10 things I think to myself, when riding le metro in old Paris *French accent*





1.) "Why are these things so crowded all the time. Ugh. It's just seven more stops.No big deal. Wait, what's that smell?"

2.) "Why are you eyeing me up and down? Yeah, I'm looking at you three. Hoochies with the Jay-Z crop tops. What the heck is your problem? I can eye back, too. I'd love to show you what I'd made of but this is my stop. Laterz"

3.) "Oh God,there's a hot guy right there. Why did I tie my hair into a ponytail?? Did I even put on lipgloss!?  Let me just inconspicuously check myself in the reflection of the door. Crap"

4.) "Oh yeah. Just suck your faces off in front of me. It's just been about five minutes since my sandwich, no biggie. Oh crap, look away. Don't make eye contact again or they'll thi- oh, they're making out again. I'll just stare at the metro stops up there. It's going to be a long ride. I should offer them a napkin"

5.) "Ew. Why is he holding his baguette under his armpits. Isn't he scared tha- oh shit. Her hair just touched it! DUDE. WTF. I'm getting hungry"

6.) "Don't touch my baguette, don't touch my baguette, don't touch my f&@&$% baguette.I don't want air to touch it either. What? Stop judging me."

7.) "I'm so tired. Ugh my heels hurt. What the heck is she wearing? Is he drunk? Yup, he's definitely American. ugh. Americans. Why is he... oh. that's disgusting. I'll be so hungover tomorrow"

8.) "Next time, can you please leave your child at home? Geezus lady my ears hurt. Just give him the damn phone already. Everyone's looking at you. Oh, you're going to not give a crap. Dude, did you see that, she doesn't give a crap. I wonder how my nose looks from the side."

9.) "If you think I'm planning to rob you or blow up this subway because you don't understand my creole, by all means go ahead. Suck it, Frenchies! I bet you're wondering what the heck I was saying a few minutes ago. Yeah, I'm smiling. Look away if you don't like it."

10.) "No, I'm not giving you a euro for that crappy song. Are you kidding me? You suck. that's not music. It sounds like a giant boulder grinding a wailing woman. My ears are hurting like shi- oh, shit. I missed my stop. UGHH"